Sunday, May 9, 2010
Still Finding
I've abandon my blog once again. Like my life it has been starting and stopping. Time waits for no man and it has passed me by like the wind through my fingers. I try to grasp it but it passes by. I really wish that i can get the engine started and rolling and continue running smoothly for a long time. But I have no idea which direction i want to head. I seem to have fingers in every bucket. Wish i knew how or what i want to do. I am still trying to pursuit my happiness. But i think I am in the way of my happiness. Some one help
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Checking in
If you happen to notice, i don't seem to be very consistent in posting in any of my blogs. I am not even near consistent. Although the blog is suppose to be all the things that is happening in my life, I just happen to randomly check in and check out giving this blog not much of a flow. Perhaps i am more of a short story person rather than like maybe a trilogy kinda person. My stories are told in short burst with string-thin connections. What can I say, I am just rather random.
Well funny thing is not too long ago when i told Rae I was going to apply for a writer's job, she told me that i should write more often on the blog. But the interview came and gone, I was offered the post and i rejected it. Christmas came and passed and so did the new year and the chinese new year. I told myself i would like to write about the job which I was so nervous about. And the article which i wrote for it. And how I wanted to jump in but yet i couldn't leave engineering field without fighting a hard battle. But well.... nada. I kinda got swept away in everyday life. Like i just kept flowing and moving and forgot to kinda pause and think. Well it has been soothing and nice and all. But i am getting fidgety. I have the fear of getting too comfortable. And at this moment i am also afraid i am too used to being comfortable. I feel like i need to get my angst up again. Call me crazy.
Ok i don't think i am making much sense here. But here is to getting to ball rolling. Oh btw i can't wait to get the iphone. So maybe i might post more random stuffs here. But knowing me its probably just a passing fad. Dang
Well funny thing is not too long ago when i told Rae I was going to apply for a writer's job, she told me that i should write more often on the blog. But the interview came and gone, I was offered the post and i rejected it. Christmas came and passed and so did the new year and the chinese new year. I told myself i would like to write about the job which I was so nervous about. And the article which i wrote for it. And how I wanted to jump in but yet i couldn't leave engineering field without fighting a hard battle. But well.... nada. I kinda got swept away in everyday life. Like i just kept flowing and moving and forgot to kinda pause and think. Well it has been soothing and nice and all. But i am getting fidgety. I have the fear of getting too comfortable. And at this moment i am also afraid i am too used to being comfortable. I feel like i need to get my angst up again. Call me crazy.
Ok i don't think i am making much sense here. But here is to getting to ball rolling. Oh btw i can't wait to get the iphone. So maybe i might post more random stuffs here. But knowing me its probably just a passing fad. Dang
Sunday, March 7, 2010
on the way back from perhentian
I am sitting in the kota bahru airport awaiting my 1726 flight back to kl lcct. My third time here.2 of which were transition to perhentian. It has been 5 days since we arrived and now its time to return to our ordinary lives. By far this is the most random and sudden trip.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Life is Like a Rubik's Cube
You know it's funny how in every phase of your life you tend to associate it with something which you are currently doing. Well i just got myself a rubik's cube because someone in the office got themselves one and i have always wanted to learn to solve it and also was always fascinated by it. So i got myself one and i am like super obsessed with it right now.
So why is life like a rubik's cube. Well at least life for the pass 2 yrs that i can think of anyways.
It's like this. When i finished uni, which i deemed as a closing of one chapter of my life. The new chapter was presented to me like a new an un-touched rubik's cube. The whole picture seemed well put together. So to proceed and start the new game, things got scrambled. Coz well that is the whole point of a rubik's cube anyways. You are suppose to scramble it and then put it together. Else it's like just for decoration. So I started my job; scramble, scramble and i started a new relationship. More scrambling. Then it was time to start understanding how things works and putting things the way it suppose to be.
So when i looked at the cube it was like a whole mess of things. And there was so many possibilities. But where to start? I wanted to put together so many of the color sequence at one time. And so I jumped in. I never read the instruction, i never found any cheat. Coz i am that way. I don't want the answer and i will try and try until i find my own. Even if it kills me trying. Admittedly it is true that the rubik's cube is just so very bad for people with OCD. And i discovered albeit slightly late that i am OCD.
So i jumped into my new chapter of life trying my hardest to solve things my way. Along the way i got overwhelmed. Trying to twist and turn the cube to get to where i want them to be. And sometimes i manage to get one color almost right. And sometimes i manage to fix one color and almost complete another one in the process. But no matter what while attempting the next move, something else gets screwed up. And i end up starring at a whole jumbled up cube once again. So near yet so close. And it gets frustrating. Things just looked so complicated and every next move brought about so many more uncertainties. And so even though i made a few moves, i end up retracing the moves so as not to mess up what has already been solved. But in the end i still do. But along the way, i still discover a few things about certain moves and the picture gets clearer. I remember what does what and i learn a few new things which hopefully i don't forget until the next time i come to the cube again.
And as with the last 2 years, there have been many confusion, many wanting to do 10 things at the same time. Many jumbled up feelings and wants and needs and demands. But with each passing days and experience and thinking and learning, I have come to find that instead of doing a few colors at once, to solve one color at a time. Instead of getting overwhelmed with so many thoughts and wants and needs and demands to take a step back and look at the whole picture. Instead of getting frustrated at the situation to try and think back of the past experience and take a different approach or to take a similar approach which will work. It is funny how when in the beginning how life looked all jumbled up with bits and pieces of colors having no rhyme or reason or match can slowly clear up to form a clear picture.
No i haven't solved my rubik's cube yet. And my life isn't really how i want it to be yet. But well i am taking a different approach now. I am sure everything will sort itself out. Well at least now i have learnt a few moves which might help me along to the right path. At least things looks slightly clearer than when i first started my journey.
So why is life like a rubik's cube. Well at least life for the pass 2 yrs that i can think of anyways.
It's like this. When i finished uni, which i deemed as a closing of one chapter of my life. The new chapter was presented to me like a new an un-touched rubik's cube. The whole picture seemed well put together. So to proceed and start the new game, things got scrambled. Coz well that is the whole point of a rubik's cube anyways. You are suppose to scramble it and then put it together. Else it's like just for decoration. So I started my job; scramble, scramble and i started a new relationship. More scrambling. Then it was time to start understanding how things works and putting things the way it suppose to be.
So when i looked at the cube it was like a whole mess of things. And there was so many possibilities. But where to start? I wanted to put together so many of the color sequence at one time. And so I jumped in. I never read the instruction, i never found any cheat. Coz i am that way. I don't want the answer and i will try and try until i find my own. Even if it kills me trying. Admittedly it is true that the rubik's cube is just so very bad for people with OCD. And i discovered albeit slightly late that i am OCD.
So i jumped into my new chapter of life trying my hardest to solve things my way. Along the way i got overwhelmed. Trying to twist and turn the cube to get to where i want them to be. And sometimes i manage to get one color almost right. And sometimes i manage to fix one color and almost complete another one in the process. But no matter what while attempting the next move, something else gets screwed up. And i end up starring at a whole jumbled up cube once again. So near yet so close. And it gets frustrating. Things just looked so complicated and every next move brought about so many more uncertainties. And so even though i made a few moves, i end up retracing the moves so as not to mess up what has already been solved. But in the end i still do. But along the way, i still discover a few things about certain moves and the picture gets clearer. I remember what does what and i learn a few new things which hopefully i don't forget until the next time i come to the cube again.
And as with the last 2 years, there have been many confusion, many wanting to do 10 things at the same time. Many jumbled up feelings and wants and needs and demands. But with each passing days and experience and thinking and learning, I have come to find that instead of doing a few colors at once, to solve one color at a time. Instead of getting overwhelmed with so many thoughts and wants and needs and demands to take a step back and look at the whole picture. Instead of getting frustrated at the situation to try and think back of the past experience and take a different approach or to take a similar approach which will work. It is funny how when in the beginning how life looked all jumbled up with bits and pieces of colors having no rhyme or reason or match can slowly clear up to form a clear picture.
No i haven't solved my rubik's cube yet. And my life isn't really how i want it to be yet. But well i am taking a different approach now. I am sure everything will sort itself out. Well at least now i have learnt a few moves which might help me along to the right path. At least things looks slightly clearer than when i first started my journey.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
2010 1st Quarter Goals!
OK and now 10 days into the new year which feels nothing different from 2009 its time to consider a certain number of goals to achieve for the year or in this case baby steps means in this couple of months. Lets start with 3 first.
1. The first one which i desperately need to achieve and has been thrown around for a while is to loose weight and of course gain a healthy (of course hot as well) body. Did anyone tell you that once you hit 25 the rate at which your body age kind of start to become exponential. Or perhaps its because of the accumulated effect of not up keeping it. I dunno. So aim is to eat healthy and exercise consistently (i.e create a schedule and keep to it). No more feeling old and achy when doing not so rigorous things.
Time frame: for this i am hoping to see some results by chinese new year. Got to push it else its never gonna happen.
2. Change that job. So going to have to work on this. almost 2 yrs and counting convincing myself to get the hell out. But well distractions and self doubts got in the way. It was totally like a tunnel vision where i know where is my destination but it seems so far-a-way. I think i have finally exited the tunnel and i see the bigger picture now.
Time frame: Hopefully within 3 months time. That should be a good time frame for me to get serious and start looking and interviewing.
3. Give back to the community. Do some charity work or help out somewhere. Been throwing this around for some time as well. But well like the above, i got caught up in life. Tunnel vision and all.
Time frame: So i have to work on this and achieve this within this 3 months. I think 3 months is probably a long enough time to achieve something while short enough so it doesn't get forgotten.
Alrights then come back in 3 months time to see what has or has not been achieve. The race is on. And i am starting my engine.
Oh one more long term goal. To get organized! This is something i really need to work at and remain consistent.
1. The first one which i desperately need to achieve and has been thrown around for a while is to loose weight and of course gain a healthy (of course hot as well) body. Did anyone tell you that once you hit 25 the rate at which your body age kind of start to become exponential. Or perhaps its because of the accumulated effect of not up keeping it. I dunno. So aim is to eat healthy and exercise consistently (i.e create a schedule and keep to it). No more feeling old and achy when doing not so rigorous things.
Time frame: for this i am hoping to see some results by chinese new year. Got to push it else its never gonna happen.
2. Change that job. So going to have to work on this. almost 2 yrs and counting convincing myself to get the hell out. But well distractions and self doubts got in the way. It was totally like a tunnel vision where i know where is my destination but it seems so far-a-way. I think i have finally exited the tunnel and i see the bigger picture now.
Time frame: Hopefully within 3 months time. That should be a good time frame for me to get serious and start looking and interviewing.
3. Give back to the community. Do some charity work or help out somewhere. Been throwing this around for some time as well. But well like the above, i got caught up in life. Tunnel vision and all.
Time frame: So i have to work on this and achieve this within this 3 months. I think 3 months is probably a long enough time to achieve something while short enough so it doesn't get forgotten.
Alrights then come back in 3 months time to see what has or has not been achieve. The race is on. And i am starting my engine.
Oh one more long term goal. To get organized! This is something i really need to work at and remain consistent.
Friday, January 1, 2010
The year that was 2009
What did i tell ya. The pre 2010 reflective post never did got written. And as it is it is already the 2nd day of 2010. I felt as if the 31st and the 1st kinda merged together as one and flew by with a Hi! and a Bye! in the same breathe. Well the good thing is, now i am sitting myself down to make sure I write some thoughts about the year that was off the top of my head. A good change to make since I would usually sit pondering what i would have liked to say before i wrote such reflective post which only results in it not being written because i get too many ideas and dispute.
So if 2008 was a year where i hyperventilated thinking about all the things i want to do and how i wanted to do everything at a go. Plotting and planning and planning and plotting but only left fretting and not doing anything. 2009 was a year where i stepped back and took things one step at a time. Perhaps the urgency was not there and things got pushed back and maybe slightly forgotten but i did manage to do quite abit things this yr. But i feel i could have done even more. It has been a learning process from one extreme to another. And 2009 felt as if it has swooped by like it only lasted a couple of weeks.
But I am happy to say that it did not swoop by uneventfully. I will remember that 2009 was the year where i travelled. 2 planned trips one of which has been in the works for forever plus one unplanned and totally improptu trip which well, i have been thinking about for sometime as well. And it is a good mix as well.
Cambodia, Siem Reap to be precise was a historical and cultural place which i enjoyed because it's such an adventure trip and i got to see the angkor wat which is something which i think everyone should see at least once. The company was great too because everyone just clicked and was so chill.
Then there was the Perhentian trip which regardless of the initial hiccup I was glad I went with my boe. It would not have been the same. And it was a destination which I have been wanting to go since a long time ago. It was not as I imagined it to be but it was breathe taking non-the-less.
And the improptu trip to Australia was also something which was the best thing that happened to me as i find it liberating to firstly have made such an improptu decision seeing as to the kind of person that i am. Secondly to for the very first time fly alone to somewhere so far. And most of all to finally spend some quality time with my bestie Rae (I think we had this whole conversation about the whole best friend vs close friend designation. But we know who we are so a name is just a name).
One more thing which I am proud of doing this year is getting my own car. It was something planned and finally executed albiet slightly later than expected. But with much help from the parents. Owning a car does make life very different and kind of feels like a level up. I am enjoying driving but still do not know much routes yet. But driving has become less stressful for me and becoming more second nature. Never imagined it would be that way.
Well this is what i can think of so far. Resolutions for 2010 in the next post maybe
So if 2008 was a year where i hyperventilated thinking about all the things i want to do and how i wanted to do everything at a go. Plotting and planning and planning and plotting but only left fretting and not doing anything. 2009 was a year where i stepped back and took things one step at a time. Perhaps the urgency was not there and things got pushed back and maybe slightly forgotten but i did manage to do quite abit things this yr. But i feel i could have done even more. It has been a learning process from one extreme to another. And 2009 felt as if it has swooped by like it only lasted a couple of weeks.
But I am happy to say that it did not swoop by uneventfully. I will remember that 2009 was the year where i travelled. 2 planned trips one of which has been in the works for forever plus one unplanned and totally improptu trip which well, i have been thinking about for sometime as well. And it is a good mix as well.
Cambodia, Siem Reap to be precise was a historical and cultural place which i enjoyed because it's such an adventure trip and i got to see the angkor wat which is something which i think everyone should see at least once. The company was great too because everyone just clicked and was so chill.
Then there was the Perhentian trip which regardless of the initial hiccup I was glad I went with my boe. It would not have been the same. And it was a destination which I have been wanting to go since a long time ago. It was not as I imagined it to be but it was breathe taking non-the-less.
And the improptu trip to Australia was also something which was the best thing that happened to me as i find it liberating to firstly have made such an improptu decision seeing as to the kind of person that i am. Secondly to for the very first time fly alone to somewhere so far. And most of all to finally spend some quality time with my bestie Rae (I think we had this whole conversation about the whole best friend vs close friend designation. But we know who we are so a name is just a name).
One more thing which I am proud of doing this year is getting my own car. It was something planned and finally executed albiet slightly later than expected. But with much help from the parents. Owning a car does make life very different and kind of feels like a level up. I am enjoying driving but still do not know much routes yet. But driving has become less stressful for me and becoming more second nature. Never imagined it would be that way.
Well this is what i can think of so far. Resolutions for 2010 in the next post maybe
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